Cara Sutra

Affiliate Newsletter 18 May

cara — Fri, 18 May 2012 10:01:44 +0000

Welcome to your affiliate newsletter!

Lovehoney

What’s New?

Oh! Multispeed Vibrating Love Ring only £4.99 – This pack of two skin safe rubber cock rings are latex and phthalates free. At only £4.99 they represent amazing value and feature textured wings and ridge for labia and clitoral stimulation for her. Get the speed you both want with the scroll wheel control, and enjoy up to 35 minutes of shared pleasure per ring!

Beginner’s Basic Triple Butt Plug Set £22.99 – The perfect start to your journey to the depths of anal pleasure, this pack of three various sized butt plugs should be in everyone’s toy box. Sizes small, medium and large, with suction bases for more versatility and range of adventures. Phthalates and latex free.

Metal Nipple Clamps with adjustable screws £9.99 – Ready for the next step in nipple stimulation? These metal nipple clamps with connecting chain are ideal to reach the dizzying heights of nipple focussed pleasure. With adjustable clamps, you or your partner can tailor your kinky fun!

Doc Johnson The Super Sucker 2.0 UR3 Vibrating Stroker £22.99 – Made from the Doc Johnson patented real feel material UR3, this masturbator will give you realistic feel, textured chamber to massage your whole length as well as a bullet powered vibrating area to stimulate the balls. Simulates a tight but supremely slippery deep throat experience. Irresistible!

Check out more new sex toys here

Check out all new lingerie here

Offers

50 Shades of Grey

You must have heard about 50 Shades of Grey by now. This book of BDSM themed erotica is taking the fetish and vanilla world by storm, whether for good or bad.

You can get your copy of 50 Shades of Grey from Lovehoney for only £7.99 with a FREE Powerful Pocket Vibrator

Not only that, but the sequels have freebies too:

50 Shades Darker comes with a FREE Bondage Boutique Soft Leather Blindfold

50 Shades Freed comes with a FREE Lady Lust Finger Mini Vibrator

3 for 2 on Pasante Lubes and Condoms – Mix & Match this May!

Buy 2 Lovehoney Bionic Bullets for £20

Lovehoney Satisfy Me Dildo with free lube

Save 10% on prostate stimulators – Aneros Toys in May!

TENGA Flip Hole offer

Save £10 on Fleshlight Inserts!

Free Lovehoney Powerful Pocket Rocket Vibe when you buy 2 items of sexy lingerie from Seven ’til Midnight

Get a free Love Bear Bullet Vibrator worth £14.99 when you spend just £30 on Rene Rofe lingerie

Buy any two items of Coquette lingerie and get a FREE Cupid’s Rabbit Bullet Vibe worth £9.99

Free Tease Me Satin Wrist Restraints worth £14.99 when you spend £30 on Livia Corsetti lingerie

Get a free Vibrating Finger Ring when you spend £15 on Durex condoms

Deal of the Day! – a new amazing offer every day at Lovehoney. What is it today? Click here to find out!

Sextoys.co.uk

What’s New?

LELO Smart Wand – New at Sextoys is the Medium Plum Smart Wand from LELO. Priced at £78.95, this cordless massage is rechargeable and waterproof too. With 8 massage patterns and 8 intensity levels, this luxury pleasure item has been lovingly crafted. A true investment for your adult toy collection.

Xcite Books Secret Library – Two of the Secret Library Collection are now in stock at Sextoys, Silk Stockings and Traded Innocence. These books not only feature all the sizzling action you have come to expect from Xcite Books, they also have a highly tangible and erotic flocked velvet style cover, which is perfect to be in keeping with any sex Goddess’ boudoir. The Secret Library collection books are priced at £7.95 each.

Peekaboo Accessories – Beautiful Nipple Pasties and covers that will make you feel extra glamorous whether worn under an outfit or dazzling your partner during a private show! Choose from hearts, kisses and a choice of materials to set your sex life sizzling. Priced from £4.95.

My First… Masturbators – Which will you choose? Fill that niche with the My First Virgin Pussy & Ass or the My First Pregnant Pussy. Priced at £44.95 each, these desire-specific toys will give you exactly what you’re after. Come with vibrating variable speed bullet for added pleasure.

Boys: Got your Fleshlight VStroker yet?

Check out more new sex toys here

Offers

The Vibe Therapy Exhilaration Rabbit Vibrator is well over half price this week at only £30!

RRP £71.99

KY Yours & Mine Couples Lubricants – RRP £27.99 now only £15!

Touché Ice Vibrating Bullet Massager - RRP £29.99 now only £15 !

Teddi’s Tickler Egg - RRP £20.99 now only £10 !

Honour

Honour Clothing are hosting a huge Spring Sale with up to 70% off!

Sexshop 365

Save over £12 on this bumper bundle including Desi Love Balls, an RO-80mm Bullet and some Durex Play Feel Lube – only £19.99 altogether!

Sexshop 365 will beat any price on the same item if you find it elsewhere, and will even give you free lubricant worth £4!

Get 5% off your first order with Sexshop 365 with code 5OFFMAY

Find the Sexshop 365 Deal of the Day right here

Find all Sexshop 365 60% off Sale items right here

Don’t forget that ALL these sex toys and sexy offers have FREE UK delivery and returns.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this affiliate newsletter, and wish you the best of luck with all your conversions!

There will be a brand new affiliate newsletter posted next Friday.

Until then,

Cara Sutra

xxx

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Review: Living Libido Loco – Miss Annie Player

cara — Fri, 18 May 2012 09:48:15 +0000

Living Libido Loco – Erotic poetry by Miss Annie Player

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I started reading this collection of so-called erotic poetry. Not a huge fan of reading poetry for fun, I took to the task at hand somewhat cynically yet with an open mind.

Startling. Amazing. Genius.

I have never read this level of eroticism in poetry before. The words flow, sing to you off the pages, creating scenes for you to visualise in your mind’s eye much the way a painter creates scenes on canvas. The rhymes aren’t perfect, not should they ever be – the rhythm and meter is not always standard – but this simply adds to the grittiness and realism of each fornicatory scene.

Not only does Annie Player have a fluid grasp of the English language, the way she commandeers it leaves you in awe and actually breathless.

From straight, to lesbian/bi, to kink – the spectrum of sexuality is explored by way of each intelligent, raunchy stanza.

Never read erotic poetry before? Try it – this is the book you need.

10/10

e[lust] #36 – the sex blog round up

cara — Wed, 16 May 2012 10:16:37 +0000

Photo courtesy of A Couple of Wankers

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #37? Start with the newly updated rules, come back June 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ Top 3 ~

The Cheshire Cat – Alice felt whiskers tickle her skin and was wracked with sobs of fear. ‘Oh, little girl, don’t cry. You can stand much more than you think you can.’

Vaginal Overexposure? – I see a lot of vaginas. A lot. One of my favorite things to tell Vincent and his friends is, “I see more vagina that you ever will!”

Marionette – “I’m writing out a fantasy of mine, but I’m not sure what to do with some of it. I’m hoping you can help me figure it out.” “Yes Ma’am.”

~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~

Journeys – These insecurities are at the root of my fears. I don’t know how to combat them, how to turn those tapes off in my head.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

I’ve found a new secret to my G-spot – This g-spot thing might be hard to find since it can�t be mapped, but believe me it is real and with time, exploration, a good clitoral orgasm and a willing set of fingers and/or dildos you CAN find it.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the ‘read more’‘ tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Kink & Fetish

A Pixie Calls Me Daddy
Afterwards, kissing
Another Try at Topping
Bent Over and Exposed
Female Orgasm: Where Do You Get Off?
Hurts
Letting the Sadist Out to Play
more con-slut…
pain & sadism: how they intertwine
Tied Up and Tossed in a Corner
Waiting My Turn
Warm Up

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Fifty Shades Of Me

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Buying a Toy: What You Need to Know
Bring on the wanks
I want your sex
My Mother, The Whore
Poly Fallacies #4
Q&A # 3: Childhood BDSM Fantasies
Sticks and Stones…
Small World of Swinging
The Gauge
Us Lately
White and Nerdy

Erotic Writing

Around and ’round
Down
Golden girl
Hard Love
Hot sunny sex on a rainy day
It Ain’t Sex
I Want to be Watched
I made him watch me masturbate
Jealous
Lazy Day
Lost in Submission
Making out
On Display
Pussy Doctor
Perfect Cover
Pussy Eating- The Fun Way
Rack and Ruin part II
Shower Scene
The Third Date
Tickle Monster
Waiting for It
Watching Skylarks

Ask Cara: How do I find the right Mistress?

cara — Wed, 16 May 2012 10:10:52 +0000

Hi Cara,

I have been looking to get into the BDSM scene by Serving a mistress. How do I find a mistress that would be right for me? There are loads on different sites but as a complete novice I need some help.

Regards

Simon

Hi Simon, thanks for your question!

Firstly, I would advise that you always refer to Mistress with a capital M. This shows respect for her title and place in authority above you.

Secondly, it really depends what you would like to get out of the M/s (Mistress/submissive- or slave) relationship. If you are a session style submissive you may be best approaching a Professional Domme, who will negotiate what you require out of a Domination session and will charge a fee for her time spent with you.

If you are looking more for a Lifestyle relationship, this tends to be more difficult. As a Lifestyle Domme myself, I am incredibly choosy when it comes to accepting new submissives or slaves – and there are literally thousands out there just like you, wishing for the chance.

The advice I can give you is this. Be respectful at all times. Don’t make a mockery of her, her lifestyle or particular wishes. If the Domme you approach requires a gift or an initial tribute to let her know you are serious – do it! It is her way of weeding you out from the ones who are timewasters, out just for kicks, to get a reaction or for wank fodder.

Make sure your messages to a Domme are spelled correctly. Poor spelling, grammar and punctuation is such a turn off. This is your only method of communication with her for now, make it the best you can do.

Do everything she requires. I would advise you approach Dommes who have built up a profile in the scene, as then you know you are wanting to submit to a responsible, experienced Mistress.

If she asks for proof of tasks by photograph, provide it. If on Twitter, load an avatar – even if you want to remain anonymous. It doesn’t have to be your face, it can be a generic fetish image or one you like. Don’t make it a picture of your cock, seriously, it’s NOT impressive and will probably just end up with you getting blocked from the outset.

Above all, make this about her pleasure, her desires and her needs. Be intelligent and imaginative. The answer to, ‘What can you do for Me?’ is NOT EVER ‘Whatever you wish Mistress.’ She could have told you that herself! Think about your skills, things you can provide for her amusement, her interest. Ask her whether she would like website work done, or if she requires a domestic slave. Chances are, answers including ‘I can lick your pussy’ or ‘I want you to sit on my face’ will not meet with success.

Don’t make your Twitter feed, message stream or other just plea after plea to every and any Mistress that you can find. It’s boring and shows that all you are thinking about is you, not her, whoever she may be.

Do your research. Find a Mistress you actually want to serve, then make the proper effort. Be an amusing, interesting, intelligent person in your own right. She’s more likely to want to know more about you.

Arrogance and vanity is a no-no. The length of your cock, your bedroom prowess and stamina and how tall you are really isn’t going to impress. Trust me. You’ll get shot down from the start.

Websites I find most helpful are, Twitter, FetLife, CollarMe and InformedConsent. I hope this has helped and wish you the best of luck.

Cara

xxx

Pleasurists Edition #175

cara — Tue, 15 May 2012 17:45:26 +0000

Image courtesy of Blacksilk*

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow the RSS Feed and Twitter for updates.

Did you miss Pleasurists 174? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists 177? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday May 20th @ 11:59pm Pacific Time.

*Pleasurists now accepts photo submissions for the art at the top of editions! For more information click here.

Want a shiny new toy? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Win a Nexus Glide Deadline: May 21st.
Win a Tenga Lovers Egg Deadline: May 21st.
Masturbation Month Giveaway! Deadline: May 21st @ Midnight Eastern.
May Giveaway! Deadline: May 30th.
Win $100 Worth Of Eden Fantasys Gift Cards Deadline: July 18th.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus

On to the reviews:

Vibrators

Leaf Fresh by Poly Grrl
LELO Ina by Karen Blue
We-Vibe Salsa, Tango, & Touch by Dangerous Lilly
Fun Factory Layaspot by Ryuson
Papaya Rainbow by Evil Poptart
Nasstoys Mini G-Spot Strap-On by Silverdrop
Luv Massager by Beanfiddler
Ashley Vibe by A Woman and Her Wand
Mojowijo by Mistress Kay
Retro Pocket Rocket by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
Nirvana 250 by Karen Blue
Dorcel Toys Secret Genius by Mistress Kay
Trojan Midnight Collection Triple Pleasure by A Woman and Her Wand
Fun Factory G4 Big Boss by True Pleasures
Toyfriend Mini by Red Vinyl Kitty
Little Chroma by Mistress Kay
Emotional Bliss Femblossom Heat by Ryuson
Picobong Ipo by Nanixe
Trojan Torsion by Belle
Cupid 3 by DIY Orgasms
Jopen Intensity by Epiphora
We-Vibe Touch by buzzvibe
Jopen Vanity Vr6.5 by Mistress Kay
FixSation Couples Vibe and Panty by Swingtastic
I Rub My Duckie Travel-size by Girly Juice
Butterfly Waver by Nymphomaniac Ness
Silicone Finger Bunny by llellsee
Orchid G by Scarlet
The Nassty Collection Mighty and Mini Kit by Midnight Boudoir
Tantus Anaconda by True Pleasures

Dildos

Bad Dragon Tentacle by Technogeisha
Bad Dragon Bruiser the Fusion by A Woman and Her Wand
Tantus T-Rex by Dr. Ruthie
Icicles #12 by A Woman and Her Wand
Ophoria Beyond No.3 by Scarlet
Tantus Anaconda by Mistress Kay
Vixen Creations Mistress by Unrepentant
G-Spot Lollipop by the bedroom blogger
GoodVibes Rippler by Epiphora
NobEssence Linger by Mistress Kay
Sh! Wirly Girly 2 by Cara Sutra
Icicles No. 9 by Mistress Kay
Tantus O2 Max by Incendiaire
Tantus General by Incendiaire
Bad Dragon Xar the Karabos by Midnight Boudoir

Anal Toys

Sleeves, Rings, & etc.

His Miracle Massager Stroker Kit by FunCouple
Tenga 3D by Pixel and BloodHound
Adonis Pump by OurSexSecrets
Rocks Off 4US by A Couple of Wankers
Rocks Off 4US by Sassy

Harnesses

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books & Games

Adult DVDs & Porn

Sex Furniture

Lingerie

Miscellaneous

Review: 50 Shades of Grey – E L James

cara — Tue, 15 May 2012 14:32:04 +0000

Well where to start on this hugely controversial, media saturated book?

If you haven’t heard of 50 Shades of Grey you must have been living in a bin liner for the last couple of months. After reading plenty of scathing reviews, criticism, and an absolute Twitter furore, I decided that I need my own opinion on this piece of writing.

In case I did hate it, I didn’t even spend my own money on it. I demanded that someone else purchase it for me. Sure enough within a few days, 50 Shades of Grey (plus a free vibrator, thanks Lovehoney) turned up at my doorstep. I eyed the book skeptically.

I soon got down to the task at hand; after all there’s a mammoth 514 pages to get through.

I will warn you all by saying, the first 4 chapters are awful. Terrible. The only thing that kept me from tossing it across the room in disgust, for it to lie there gathering dust for evermore, was the fact that I really wanted to be able to give my own, full and honest critique. To have an opinion, one must first be in possession of all the facts.

Overly descriptive, scene setting, boring even… the opening chapters of this book does not herald the next best thing in a vanilla’s introduction to BDSM.

Then there are the characters names. Anastasia Rose Steele. Katherine Kavanagh. Christian Trevelyan Grey (CEO, no less). Where are we, on the set of Dynasty?

You have to do an awful lot of reality suspension with 50 Shades. Anastacia (Ana) is a young English Literature student at a University in America who has a gorgeous journalist student friend. Her friend is so beautiful she’s envious but not too envious. She loves her, despite knowing for a fact that Katherine is oh-so-much-more-pretty than she is. ~yawn~ All this despite the fact that Ana herself seems to have a stream of suitors falling at her feet wherever she goes. Is she completely blind and stupid?

Ana has such insecurities and self confidence issues I was frankly amazed she even signed up for a university course never mind has not only embarked upon one but also ends up meeting and interviewing Christian Grey. Not before falling through his office door that is. Seriously, how nervous do you have to be to literally fall through a doorway and land (cue kinky connotations here) on your hands and knees, only to gaze up at ‘the most beautiful man’ you ever did see?

For a literature student, Ana seems terribly shallow. Her entire attraction to Christian seems based on physical appearances. Sure, a guy may be, to use one of Ana’s favourite adjectives, hot; does this mean you’ll want to do everything they say, instantly upon meeting them? Also, for one so interested in the English language, isn’t the word hot ever so slightly lacking in imagination?

Throughout the first four chapters I wanted to repeatedly punch Ana in the face. That would stop her chewing that damn lip. It’s not sexy, it just brings to mind the image of a scared teenager possibly with a coldsore problem. Christian wasn’t much better with his lips, for all the ghosts of smiles upon them. Can the man just have an all-out honest facial expression? He’s either smiling, or he’s not. No ‘ghost of a smile’, no ‘corner twitched into a smirk’ – for goodness’ sake, Christian, either smile or frown or do… something confidently.

A lot of focus seemed to be placed on Christian’s appearance like I’ve stated, which has an inexplicably profound effect on Ana and her knickers. Oh, sorry – ‘someplace down there‘. Back to being vague. The reader is quite evidently 12 years old and couldn’t bear to read such words as pussy, clitoris, or even that her filthy slut of a vulva was throbbing with intense passion at the thought of his elusive manhood plundering her virgin territory. Quite.

Oh yes I forgot – Ana is a virgin, that hasn’t even masturbated. At the age of 21. What the fuck has she been doing?

Despite her inexperience with men, sex and to be honest, the outside world and the use of her feet without falling over them, we somehow make it to chapter 5 together. There is a sudden shift in gears.

Romance blossoms. It’s quite sweet actually. I hated myself for starting to like the book at this point, having so ‘correctly’ hated it for the first 4 drawn out chapters.

Ana and Christian finally communicate with one another and the scenes that follow are quite delightful. Sure, they are still cliched, flawed and could be a lot better, but still – enjoyable.

Throughout the rest of the book the reader is drawn more into Ana’s attraction towards Christian and the slowly unfolding world of his sexual desires and depravity. I say depravity: for a Dom, I wouldn’t expect his hard limits to include watersports and breathplay. I found that personally disappointing. He is also really against drug use, despite the fact that he keeps tipping wine down Ana’s throat even during and around BDSM sessions – something frowned upon in the actual Fetish scene.

From a vanilla point of view, this book is sweet, romantic, trundles along with a nice pace (from Chapter 5). It introduces ~gasp~ spanking and ~shock~ a dungeon room, plus other accoutrements such as a flogger ~oh-my-I-just-fainted~.

If you’re in any way, shape or form interested in actual BDSM, power exchange or Fetish, this book will at most amuse you in that sense. Don’t expect actual kink, it’s a vanilla love story with a couple of light spankings. Nothing new at all.

I was also hugely disappointed to learn that the author chose to give Christian a disturbed background, as if to explain why he is the way he is. As if anyone with such predilections to Fetish and BDSM must be psychologically damaged in some way.

I say damaged – his past as a submissive to a Domme. Emotionally damaging to him or just part of his growth as a person? Seeing as this book is about maledom and female submission, I found it hypocritical to cast FemDom in such a negative light. YKINMK, and in BDSM each and every Fetish should be equally respected.

Notes about the sex scenes. It is difficult to believe that Ana, a 21 year old virgin who hasn’t even touched herself, has abso-fucking-lutely amazing sex on her first ever time. Orgasming through nipple stimulation alone. Not only that but managing somehow to take Christian ramming fully into her virgin vagina without leaping up, screaming, and punching him square in the face.

Oh yes, she orgasms through vaginal penetration too. As all women do, of course. Don’t we ladies? Hmmph. I can’t remember much mention made of her clitoris, I assume she has one, but it was somewhat forgotten in 50 Shades.

Luckily, all the sex scenes end as soon as Christian has cum in her. Such a lovely man. Because we all know that a man cumming inside a woman signals the end of sex. Hmmmph again.

However, lucky Ana! For she always, without fail, orgasms through penetration before Christian does. Hurrah!

In my opinion, 50 Shades of Grey should have been heavily edited and be a quarter of the length it actually is. For example, from even my veteran Fetish standpoint (never mind a vanilla one) there was really no need to dedicate an entire chapter to the Dominant/submissive contract as well as appendices. Irrelevant and unnecessary. Made for boring reading.

I feel like I should really dislike this book. The repetitive adjectives and metaphors. The unlikely sex. The fact I want Ana to tell Christian Grey exactly what she’s thinking and for him to stop being an arrogant twat – and if he is going to tie her up and ‘punish’ her, fucking get on with it or she’ll find someone who isn’t afraid to let rip in a dungeon.

So why do I have the second and third book on the way? There is something addictive about the 50 Shades trilogy. The innocence? The good motives of the author, on a mission to ‘bring BDSM to the masses’? The fact that you have to keep going just in case Ana does finally tell Christian where he can stick his flogger? I’m not sure, but I was surprisingly sad to finish the first book.

Perhaps I’m an incurable romantic at heart. I’ll be here, biting my lip, chewing my nails (at the same time) and falling through doorways to ghosts of smiles until the next installments arrive.

A note to you all out there: don’t let the media hype, other people’s opinions and the mountain of reviews out there sway your opinion without even reading a copy (in entirety) yourself. If you want to have an opinion about 50 Shades of Grey, you’ll just have to read it. Or I may be inclined to hunt you down and give you a proper spanking.

9/10

Cara

xxx

Review: Back-Alley Slut – Lesbian BDSM Erotica by Lula Lisbon

cara — Tue, 15 May 2012 11:40:09 +0000

I had a good feeling about Lula Lisbon’s work from the first few sentences of the free excerpts given on her website. Erotica about lesbians and BDSM? Yes please!

My first outing into Lula’s work, Back-Alley Slut, definitely did not disappoint. This short story is not only raunchy but fucking hot, right from the outset. Example: first line, ‘I love topping hot little bitches like you.’ Who wouldn’t want to read on after that!

The prose is a comfortable balance of descriptive and erotic, just right in my opinion. As well as being able to clearly see the action and surroundings in your mind’s eye, this merely compliments the breathless, racy plot, rather than detract from it.

As I’ve mentioned, you don’t need to wait long for the girlish power play to start. Not only is the reader transported to the very depths of how depraved lesbian sex can get, one is also shown the drama and emotion running as undercurrents through a highly charged, power play setting.

Neither character is physically flawless. This is a bonus point to the author; neither am I. I can identify with the characters, their self consciousness, self criticism and overcoming shyness.

However, Lula manages to bring to the fore the lusts and desires driving past any insecurities, to play out a beautiful set of events involving lesbian sex, domination, exhibitionism and even a voyeur.

One note about the story that did crop up in my mind whilst reading. Although it may be to some people’s taste, I do not see why lesbian erotica has to feature a ‘butch’ dyke and a girly ‘femme’ each time. Is it written by women who feel that lesbian sex is only made ‘right’ when it has hetero overtones? Does there have to be a ‘male’ and ‘female’ player? Personally I am attracted to women because they are women, not because they are ‘packing’ a huge dong that they can ram into my vagina, as would be the case if I were having a sex scene with a man.

I can have fuck-hot lesbian sex without any penile-style penetration to vaginas at all, thank you very much *wink* (that’s not to say there won’t be anything else going up there instead. Just so you know).

Apart from my above personal views, sexual preferences and opinions, this short story had all the ingredients to make this a perfectly provocative bedtime (or anytime) read. Keep the bullet vibe close, it will be between your legs from the very first page.

You an download Back Alley Slut for your Kindle for just £1.84 right here at Amazon.

10/10

Review: Dirty Little Fuck Doll – Eleanor Black

cara — Tue, 15 May 2012 10:55:48 +0000

The premise of Dirty Little Fuck Doll is a good one; insanely sexy, young nymphomaniac glamour model with epic proportions can’t go long without sex. There it is. Just a glorious festival of fucking, with beautiful people, beautiful scenes, porn-perfect characters and … lots of sex.

Unfortunately, I had to stop reading this book half way through. It could (and should) be a fantastic, erotic read. Due to poor proofing (please, learn how to properly place full stops and no, don’t place capital letters In The Middle Of Sentences For No Reason) and a disturbing amount of flowery, descriptive language, it just didn’t push my buttons. At all.

The author seems overly keen on two things. Long, drawn out sentences without proper placement of full stops, and describing every scene in such irrelevant detail that it detracts from the action. I was half way through the book and all our gorgeous protagonist had done was met a guy on a train, gone back to his pad and started to fuck him.

Sorry, but I need more drama, tension, friction. Gritty characters that have some essence of realism. Emotions! Not just two bodies mindlessly frottaging and penetrating because they just ‘can’t help it.’ Nor do I particularly care about the period style of a window, or door, or details of the garden that the bedroom overlooked.

Following possibly every male stereotypical fantasy going, Chloe is a glamour model, with fake tits, a rampaging nymphomaniac that pulls guys on the train then eventually can’t help but fuck him, suck his cock, walks around naked and begs him to have a threesome. Yawn.

I didn’t find anything particularly perverse in the book, other than how much reality I had to suspend to carry on reading page after page of poorly written yet somehow overly floral descriptions.

I’m disappointed that I didn’t find a Dirty Little Fuck Doll at all, in fact all that I found was a nauseatingly empty headed bimbo with legs akimbo.

If you like your erotica with less plot than a cheap porno (probably along the lines of Dirty MILF Lesbians with Big Tits 2), perhaps this book won’t disappoint. For anyone with an imagination, stay well away.

2/10

PS. I love the cover.

Jonny arrives at The Manor

cara — Mon, 14 May 2012 18:09:11 +0000

We welcome a brand new horse to the Manor! Heeeeeeerre’s Jonny!

Getting the 5 horses ready to ride. The 2 Shetlands are in another paddock.

Gorgeous!

TMI Tuesday – Fine Dining

cara — Mon, 14 May 2012 17:00:18 +0000

This week’s TMI Tuesday has a fine dining theme!

1. Before dinner wine, aperitif, or cocktail?

Champagne cocktail at the bar before dinner.

2: Appetizer?

Whatever Amuse Bouche is the order of the day! Light on the palette and delicious. I am not fussed about the carb laden biscuits. I do love olives, as well as on the premises baked warm bread with warm olive oil and balsamic vinegar, however.

My favourite starter has to be moules mariniere, when available.

3. Soup?

Lobster Bisque

4. Salad?

Whatever is in season, preferably rocquette, goats cheese and pear with a sprinkling of walnuts and pine nuts.

5. Wine or other beverage with dinner?

Sancerre, well chilled. Two bottles, sommelier served, with pressed white linen napkin and leave the bucket by the table. Never let the glass go more than half empty, sommelier! But always ask before topping up, just in case I’ve had enough.

6. Entree?

Full plateau fruits de mer, including chancre crab (semi-picked, with complete claws), prepared oysters and accompanying sauces.

7. Side Dishes?

Hand cut chips, with sea salt and cracked black pepper.

8. Dessert?

Eton Mess. It’s my all time favourite.

9. After dinner drink?

Cointreau, on the rocks. And plenty of it!

10. Which 3 people would you invite to dinner: (must be famous, well-known, living or dead, not fictional)
- For sex appeal – I don’t hang around with people because of physical attraction – people are gorgeous through and through or they’re not! Saying that, Pink, Jessie J, Lady Gaga. lol
- For great conversation – Pink, Stephen Fry and … ooh difficult. Toss up between Bill Bailey, Tim Minchin and Sarah Millican! Hilarious!
- Because you detest them – I’m not in the habit of inviting people I detest to dinner!

Bonus: Your lover brings you breakfast in bed. What’s on the tray?

Eggs Benedict, plate of fresh, sliced exotic fruits, strawberries, cherries, plate of continental cheese and sliced meats, pate, greek yoghurt with honey, Bucks Fizz in iced flutes.

I’m hungry now!

This post forms part of the fun, weekly meme from TMI Tuesday.