consensual-slut-project

“SLUT”

I am proud to be a slut. That isn’t the same as saying I recognise that I am a woman of loose morals and I don’t care. What I mean is that I have an affinity with the phrase itself and its place and meaning in my life.

I do not want to be called a slut by just anybody. I will not tolerate having the word “slut” spat at me as an insult, by those who attempt to shame a woman for either her sexual choices or by assigning incorrect moral values to her with incorrect, outdated terminology. That’s not sex positive. That’s not pleasant. That’s not right.

How can the word “slut” be so good, yet so bad? This happens in the English language all the time, and not just to words with a sexual connotation. Words like “gay” and “queer” have undergone evolution to becoming universally accepted as positive terms, while schoolkids have spent the past few decades confusing parents with the opposite to traditional definitions of “wicked”, “bad”, “sick” and more. Words which are still in the infancy of their evolution towards something sex positive are of course a sensitive issue for the deemed-to-be-relevant subjects of those words or labels in society. This might explain the intense actions and debate of those who rail against terms such as “slut” or “whore” – but I don’t believe it justifies negative attitudes or behaviour towards those who welcome a new understanding and ownership of such words.

Why am I talking about the word “slut”? It’s not simply because I like the sound as it rolls off my tongue. It’s not just because of the memories of lovers hissing it at me at the peak of our amorous tumbles between the sheets together. It’s not even just because the word “slut” being spoken by my partner to me sends a sexual ripple from my throat to my clit, makes my nipples respond involuntarily and floods me with a warm sensation of his love and affection at the mere thought of him vocalising that pet name. Ok maybe partly because of the last one. I am writing about the word slut because I was told in no uncertain terms last week by another woman that using the word slut should never be used, period.

slut-project

I agree with one thing. That it would be easy to mistake these intentions as being the same as The Unslut Project, who also do not want the word slut not to be used towards women. However there is one major difference: The Unslut Project are actively against the non-consensual, bullying jibes towards women (or anyone) containing the word slut. Not the entirely consensual, perceived to be arousing by those involved, use of the word slut between lovers or even in a non-sexual adult (such as in BDSM) relationship. This was happily confirmed by The Unslut Project themselves.

As with so many issues pertaining to the course of adult pleasure and fulfilment, consent is at the core. Consent is the world of difference between something that’s not even just ‘ok’ but ‘fuck, yes, more of that’, and the alternative: years, possibly even a lifetime of pain and psychological scars.

I have just about calmed down from the anger that thundered through me at being told that using the word slut is never OK. Not even told this by simply anyone but from another woman, who sees herself as sex positive and a defender of women’s rights. Now I am calm and have had time to think, I am starting a new project. The Consensual Slut Project.

  • I consent to being called slut in certain, sexually liberated and intensely intimate situations.
  • I understand the varied meanings and tones of the word slut and its common usage in society.
  • I do not undervalue other women by personally using the word slut to others who consent, or by consenting to have this word used to me.
  • I agree that everyone’s experiences and opinions will be different, but respect your opinions and life or sexual choices and ask that you respect mine.
  • I am consenting to him calling me a slut, as well as any other lovers that I may invite into my intimacies. I will only use the word slut consensually, to other people no matter their gender. Consent, respect and pleasure.

This project is simple; right now it consists of me being a consenting and consensual slut, and enjoying my sex life however I damn well please (with other adults who consent). I wonder how many other women feel the same way and will out themselves as consensual sluts?

The word slut, used in a consensual, sexual, bedroom situation (such as another controversial favourite of mine, rapeplay) or in a consensual, kinky, BDSM situation empowers me. It’s special for me, it’s a term of endearment, of affection at those times and from specific people. It has a special place not just in my cunt but in my heart. It makes me feel happy, sexy, desired, filthy, rebellious, free. The use of the word in those situations highlights the freedom that I have to act as I please, sexually or otherwise in my adult life. Taking my sexual pleasure as I want it, I do genuinely appreciate the struggles that women in particular have suffered through the centuries in order for me to be in a position to enjoy such frivolities. If those struggles were not at least in part so then future generations of women could enjoy freedoms to vote, freedoms to enjoy relationships of equal respect between partners, freedoms to fuck who we want and the freedom to enjoy being called any names we want during the sex acts, then what really were those struggles for? Oh, there are many other important struggles that are ongoing. The fight for equal levels of pay across genders for the same skill-sets and secular experience. Hammering out the nuances in society where women feel or are made to feel in any way less. Injustices and disrespect to all women, to all people, on the grounds of gender, sexual preference, colour, race, marital status, childbearing ability, salary and many others.

I do not expect all women to enjoy the word slut, either using it or being called it in any situation. I respect your right to not be called a slut if you don’t want to be.

But I am not going to surrender my right and freedom to be called a slut and enjoy it. Don’t tell me that my partner should not call me a slut. Don’t tell me that I should not enjoy being called a slut. To do this is to perpetuate the disrespect and oppression felt in particular by women throughout the previous centuries.

 

the consensual slut project

Now, for some Pink.

11 Responses to “The Consensual Slut Project: Why I am proud to be a ‘slut’”

  1. Kayla Lords

    With you 100%! Consensual sluts unite! (Or something like that)

    Reply
  2. Aaron

    Couldn’t agree more! I wrote something similar about “Whore” which I prefer to “Slut” personally as it just roles off my tongue better.

    Reply
  3. ST

    Great post! I think that fact is so important: just because you call yourself something, doesn’t mean everyone else can call you it too. It can be a weird thing to wrap your head around at first but it makes total sense and is a sign of respect. You just never know what people prefer.

    Reply
  4. cammiesonthefloor

    If my lover ever called me a slut, I would love it. He hasn’t, maybe because I’ve been called in a negative light. But coming from someone who loves me, who I respect and who respects my sex drive, it would be so hot. It would turn that negative connotation into something positive, to be proud of.
    I love this post.

    Reply
  5. The Consensual Slut Project @TheCaraSutra | Victoria Blisse

    […] I’m a fully signed up member of the consensual slut project started by Cara Sutra in response to being told that slut is a word that should never be used. Check […]

    Reply
  6. Chloë

    I agree so much. I am most definitely a slut, and proud of it.

    Chloë x

    Reply
  7. The consensual slut | Wank Of The Day

    […] ever since the fabulous Cara Sutra wrote her article The Consensual Slut Project: Why I am proud to be a ‘slut’ I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a slut and if, in fact, I am one. I even […]

    Reply
  8. @WankOfTheDay

    I’m so getting behind this. The consensual slut!

    Chloë

    Reply
  9. sweetwomandirtymind

    I just found this post via #AdultSexEdMonth. I’d like to write my own post on my membership in the Consensual Slut Project and use your images (with credit and links back to your page).

    Reply

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